Thursday, December 28

A Part of That

I am indecisive about everything. It is constant, it is chronic. Everything.

It is only about this that I am so unwaveringly certain. I would bet anything in the world on this one tremendous, insignificant observation. I love you.

And I've come to the conclusion regarding this fact that the only way I could ever manage the false impression that I've gotten over you would be to simply fail to coexist. In all labyrinth of choice, the only to choose is to leave. To sever contact, sever conversation, and sever the sinewy strings that bind my life-force to my body. Stay away for as long as it takes to forget you.

And you see, an act like this would only serve itself a death sentence.

Had I some manic scheme to follow this path it would leave me with two choices of fate. I would have nothing to do but to wait and, if by some miracle as lucky, die for sheer absence of required time. It seems impossible to survive the infinite ticking of hours and days that would record my efforts to scrub your mark from my mind. I simply do not have the time.

So, in an all more likely occurrence, I would live to my fated age pining and grieving and breathing your name in my sleep. Likelier so, I would die very young of a broken heart disease. I need those sinewy strings, you see.

So, not nearly as decisive as I am in earlier respect, I have still made a resolved decision.

I would rather live ten more minutes of time with you and wilt to dust than to spend any sort of time purposely apart. I would give years of my life to sit beside you, shoulders touching, breathing commented conversation into your ear in the darkened hush of the theater. I would trade my heartbeat for the chance to hear you call out my name and hurry to catch up. I would stop breathing if only you were to look at me.

And, so it is. Just like they said it would be.
I was destined for unrequited love.
You are the unlucky soul to have had it thrust upon you.
For that I apologize, but there's nothing I can do.

So, live. Breathe. Be happy.
When you have the time, let me tag along.

That's all I have credit to ask.

No comments: