Wednesday, February 28

Shot Through the Heart and You're too Late

Sometimes I hate myself just for imposing myself on you. Honestly. Like you don't have enough shit to do and to deal with that you need me on top of it? And worse, when I throw MY shit at you? And worse when I create shit for you to deal with?

Who does that?

Oh yes I care so much for you. Allow me to make your life totally suck.
I'm sorry for the guilt trips. I'm sorry for whatever I thought I was going to get out of any of it.
I'm my mother.

Please when I make you feel this way, just tell me to fuck off. I'd rather I feel lonely and unrequetted than to ever cause negativity to infiltrate your emotional perameter. And I'm meaning this in all honesty. You know I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. I'm saying it because I feel it.

Not to make you feel like shit.
Not to make myself feel better.
Not to piss you off.
Not to validate my existence.
Not to make you feel however I wanted you to feel or to reap whatever I had wanted to reap out of this kind of talk in the past.

I mean it in cold hard plan-spoken English.

Please don't let me do these things to you.
You're worth so much more to me than that.

It isn't your fault I have the emotional stability of elemental francium.
I just keep stealing your electrons without asking. Imposing my charges.
Fucking with equilibrium.
I've never hated myself more than I do at this very moment.

No comments: